Like many parents of a pre-teen,Drew Barrymorehas spent a long time holding off on giving her now 12-year-old daughter, Olive,a mobile phone.
And again, like many parents, she eventually gave in after doing a lot of research on“dumb phones”(aka devices with no apps, social media, etc).
It only took her days to deeply regret that decision — all because of a shocking discovery she made on her daughter’s device.
Even without social media accessible.
Drew gave in to peer pressure
In an Instagram post titled “Phone Home”, the childhood star candidly reveals how she succumbed to the pressure and gave her daughter a mobile phone before she was even sure they were both ready for the milestone.
“I am writing (in a very vulnerable way) to put myself out there as a parent,” her post begins.
“It’s personal for me. I wished many times when I was a kid that someone would tell me no. I wanted so badly to rebel all the time, and it was because I had no guardrails. I had too much access to excess, and eventually ‘no’ actually became a challenge.”
The mom goes on to explain how she has always been all for the word “no” with both of her daughters, Olive and Frankie, because she sees it as important for them to have the childhood she did not have — a structured one.
“Now that I am a mother, I cannot believe I am in a world that I know correlates to my own personal pitfalls and many of my peers who got into too much, too soon.”
“Kids are not supposed to be exposed to this much. Kids are supposed to be protected. Kids are supposed to hear NO. But we are living in an a la carte system as caretakers, in a modern, fast-moving world where tiny little computers are in every adult’s hands, modelling that it is OK to be attached to a device that is portal to literally everything.”
The dangers of such a life became evident when Drew didn’t say “no” and handed her daughter her very first mobile phone.
“All her friends had one, the age-old phenomenon all parents face: the comparison argument,” she explains.
“And so, on her 11th birthday, she got a phone, only to be used on the weekends and for a limited time with no social media.”
Why Drew took away her 11yo’s mobile phone
Just three months later, Drew made a shocking discovery.
“Within three months, I gathered the data of the texts and the behavior. I was shocked by the results,” she candidly admits.
“Life depended on the phone. Happiness was embedded in it. Life source came from this mini digital box. Moods were dependent on the device.”
Wanting to put a stop to “these high-stakes emotions”, Drew decided to do the unthinkable.
She printed up the texts and data to present to her little girl to explain why she would no longer have a device.
“I handed her a stack of pages and said this is not a black void that these travel to. They’re permanent somewhere where we don’t see it, so we don’t believe in its retractable and damning nature if we fail digitally to act with decency,” she says.
“I made sure she knew she was a good person and that this was not punishment on her character. She is so awesome, and I so understood her desires to be part of it all. Even though she didn’t have any social media on her phone, let’s face it… it can seem like the ultimate party, and I was taking her away from that – not because she did anything wrong, but because it was not time yet.”
“And I came to the conclusion simply that I am not ready either to allow my kids to have a phone.”
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An important life “experiment”
Drew goes on to explain how she doesn’t regret the decision of giving her daughter a phone but rather sees it as an important lesson for both of them.
The lesson triggered a little passion project in the star mum to find a way to help children stay connected in a digital world, without the digital world working against them.
And until she finds that way, the answer will be “no.”
She ends the post with a plea to other parents who aren’t sure if they’re ready to not be afraid to also be the unpopular parent in their homes.
“I want to let parents know that we can live with our children’s discomfort in having to wait,” she insists.
“We can be vilified and know we are doing what we now know to be a safer, slower, and scaffolded approach.
“I am going to be the parent I needed. The adult I needed.”
